Feelings.

It is weird when I realize that the exact advice I give my friends is what I should be giving to myself. if I know it so well to tell it to others, why do I not realize it for myself? I care about people so much, sometimes I must forget about myself, but I suppose it is not that bad, the feeling of realizing what I just told you applies more to me than anyone else is weird, but strangely helpful. 

On a side note, it is a crazy feeling when you see so much potential in a relationship, but the other person is not ready to see that same thing and you live on in mediocrity waiting for the day they see what you see. 

Super

Gisele Bundchen and Christy Turlington two of the greatest supermodels of all time. 

Forget Janice Dickenson. 

Out of the way Naomi Campbell. 

Goodbye Cindy Crawford. 

Sayanora Linda Evagalista. 

Au Revoir Kate Moss

Although all good, these two "supers" exude a class, sophistication and grace to be admired. 

But wait, I still love you lesser-knowns Coco and Agyness. I hope you never become supermodels, your are way better at just being models. I love you for that alone. 

Crazy-town!

I am living in city where all our nations decisions are made, but oh wait...the politicians are not at work right now! The public transit workers are on strike and no one can get anywhere! And to top it all off, it snowed over a foot last night alone and the streets which already have way more cars than they can handle due to lack of busses, are piled up to my head in snow on the sides. 

Chaos. 

Disorder.

Havoc. 

Yet it all excites me somehow.

Thinking thinking ....

I cannot think of a single situation in my life where I would prefer quantity over quality. 

Food.

Clothes.

Friends.

Relationships.

Time. 

Events.

Art. 

Yep. Everything.

Huh?

So is it ---------- in general you don't like? Or just when it involves me? 

No, it is not because I am a Prude.

So many times people ask me why I don't drink, smoke or do drugs--so should I only post my first 1000 answers or what? 

1. The idea that one must be under the influence of something in order to have fun, to relax, to be sociable, or whatever ... is ridiculous. I refuse to live my life in this way. I admit it takes confidence to act how you act drunk/high etc. without being drunk/high etc., but it is not impossible. 

2. My health is too important to me. Alcohol and smoke damages almost every aspect of your body. Slowly dying has no appeal to me. Most people do not think far enough into the future to realize how they treat their only body today, greatly affects their well-being down the road from now. I want to be able to live with vitality until I die. 

3. Everyone has the desire at a young age to be rebellious to some degree. I think this is normal. But why would I choose the most cliche and over-played method of carrying this out? There are so many more interesting things I can do to please my rebellious urges. Normalcy and averageness bore me to death.

4. Time and time again, feelings are hurt and friendships are ruined because someone did, said or thought something while in a state of drunkenness or while high, that they would never has done, said or thought with a clear mind. It happens all the time and usually you have idea what you have just done. It has been done to me and I knowing how much it hurts, I would hate to do that to someone else. 

5. Drugs and alcohol ruin families and friendships when gone unchecked. They have the ability to consume you, when you think you control how much you consume them.  It may be rare, but it happens to those who least suspect it. Don't believe me? Ask my uncle...oh wait he's dead. Darn alcoholism, gets you every time. 

6. Money, when you spend it that slowly you don't even realize how much it is, but the average smoker spends $750-$1000 a year on cigarettes. (Alcohol and weed are on top of that).  It is surprisingly true. Traveling, education and helping out others is how I would use that money. 

7. As much as I love acting, I would never want to become someone else. Whether you admit it or not that is the point of consuming these things. Some substances to more degrees than others, but all for the same reason. Whether to become in a state of ecstasy and see smells or hear colours, or whether just to calm your nerves, I prefer to be true to who I am all the time. I am living my life to be honest with myself and others 100% of the time. 

8. I like to have class. Seeing someone completely out of their mind, stumbling about and puking up dinner is revolting. 

So there you go, you all know why now. This is who I am, I know it is not normal but why would I want to be normal? I don't judge you for your choices at all. But these are mine, thanks for listening. 

Questioning when.

When do you decide that there is nothing you can do and you should just give-up and when you know that in your heart this is what you really want and you should just keep trying until you eventually succeed? 

When do you do something because you know it is important to someone who is important to you and when do say "no" and refuse no matter what? 

When does how your acting become more than just friends and when does how your acting become not even friends?   

When do you stop what you are doing because it is annoying to the other, and when do you continue on, knowing that you are only doing because you care about them?            

When do you try to do all you can to be who you want to be and when do you settle for who you know you actually are?

When do you avoid becoming a stereotype and when do you realize it is okay to be that if thats just who you are?

When do you stop asking questions and just allow things to pan out and when do refuse to settle for mere existence and live with purpose?                                                                                                                                                         

Which is which.

Just when I think all hope is lost, I realize I was just over-reacting. Things are good, and I just have to keep reminding myself that they are.
I know things will not always be great, but they will always be good.
I have the best person looking out for me, so I know this is true.
They are good now, they were always good, I just needed to let myself see that they were good.

Great. Good. Good. Good. Great.

(Inside every great sandwich is a bunch of good?)

Again.

Novembers 9th's post suddenly has two meanings.

This and that.

This really sucks....a lot.
But I think that is going to be just okay.

An Artist Lives Here.

Here I sit, my artwork on all four sides, sewing machine in front of me, emery board in hand and fabric strewn all over the room. I see my dress-form in the corner and stash of canvas peeping out of the closet full---no no, overflowing, of the latest trends and timeless classics. My vintage camera collection is beginning to grow and digital becomes obsolete in my world. Avant garbage is piling up behind me and my feet rest atop my golden antique chair. Marylin and Audrey haunt the room and shoes pile up by the door. The hardwood is covered is thread ends from projects past and the free finds of my life begin to increase, yet still have no home.

What is missing? A breath other than my own.

It's Begun.

I have actually begun to make hand made garments and couture accessories to sell in a boutique here in the city. I am super excited, especially because they are all my own designs and obviously one of kind. It is a big step in the right direction, selling things for real people to wear!

I will post photo's later of my new stuff. hopefully it will sell so fast here is the only place you'll see it, until I hit the street of Milan.

Wait, who I am kidding, fashion is only and will always only be a hobby of mine, not a career. Thanks girl.

Dejection.

I do not think I even know who you are anymore. It devastates me but there is nothing left for me to do right now and I don't see how there ever will be.

Ask and you will receive.

A dream came true for this weekend. I had some friends visiting, who if you know me, are just like me. Crazy, loud, funny, fashionable and love to have their picture taken. The three days were were together, we took about 300 photo's. The whole time joking about how we need to hire a professional so that the four of us can be in all the photo's all the time and very amazing moment can be documented. Then while waiting in line for the show at Fashion Week. Two photography students came up to us and asked if they could take some pictures of us for a class project. Obviously I agreed loudly before asking the others and the girl began clicking. It was incredible. They wanted more and more and more. Asking for individual, groups, candid's. Then I asked for more and more and more. Posing and being fashionable silly the whole time.

Ahhh.... why did it end?

This is too bad, but...

See you later. Maybe next year things will be different. But for now--I'm done.

Dying to have fun.

According to Webster's Dictionary Alcohol is: "A colourless volatile flammable liquid which is the intoxicating constituent in wine beer and spirits". This mysterious substance which has a cult following and is a way of life for many, is one that acts in unusual ways in regards to our bodies. The very organs and systems it helps and benefits, it will also hurt destroy. The health associations of alcohol are very interesting, and I am only stating facts while trying to keep opinions out of the picture. 

Moderate consumption of red wine greatly reduces the risk of kidney stone formations, but anything more will only lead to the deterioration of the pancreas, leading to reoccurring stomach pain and even weight loss to the point of death. Anytime you have more than two drinks in a 24 hour period, your risk of cancer increases. The liver can only digest 1 ounce of alcohol per hour, no matter the type of drink and so when you consume it any faster than this, you are destroying your liver, which is irreversible and leads to yellowing skin and eye's, but more importantly, liver failure, which can be fatal. But again, when consumed in a reasonable amount, alcohol decreases the chances of developing diabetes by regulating insulin levels naturally. 

As stated, moderate alcohol consumption is believed to benefit the heart, but drunkenness greatly increases the likelihood of stroke, heart disease and high blood pressure. Even mild to moderate drinking when done on a somewhat regular basis can lead to irreversible brain damage, while occasional drinking can actually reduce the risk of dementia and memory-loss later in life. We know that one glass of red wine now and then has incredible anti-oxidant properties, which helps with digestion and improving your immune system, but anything more than  this has been known to destroy stomach  and intestine lining, slowing metabolism permanently and greatly reducing the amount of nutrients your body is capable of absorbing from the food you eat, potentially leading to further health concerns. Lastly, alcohol's poisonous effects break down bone density and muscle mass. 

Fact For Thought: Even though most people feel normal, after a blood alcohol level of only 0.02 your judgement becomes impaired whether you or others even notice it. 

To makes things a little more clear:

"One Drink" is defined by a 1 ounce shot, 1 beer or 4 ounces of wine.

"Moderate Drinking" is defined by 1 to 2 drinks within a 24 hour period.

People who do not normally drink at all, are advised against beginning in hopes of obtaining the many health benefits. 

Lady, you made my year.

The following Conversation went on today between me and a lady I work with. 

Lady: What is your heritage?

Me: English, I mean like Britain.

Lady: Really! I knew you were not from here, when did you move to Canada?

Me: Well actually, I was born here, but that is where my family come from.

Lady: I had wondered, you have such a European face. Your nose and jaw are not Canadian, and obviously your accent too.

Me: Huh?

Lady: Well you speak very European as well. You say you were not born here, so your parents must have taught you there accent very well. I would have thought you were born in Europe.

This was great news. I love you lady! 

Blank Space.

I am platonically infatuated with you. Or at least with who I wish you were. I am sorry. 

Vivienne...get out of here.

I wish rich girl Gwen Stefani would clean out Vivienne Westwood, until she had nothing left. Her "haute couture" collection is atrocious and always has been and even her "préte-a-porter" collection is nothing to hold your breath for. With over-the-top "cirque" inspired garments her runway shows are more reminiscent of a colour-blind clown parade. She layers and layers and layers until the human figure is unrecognizable, and then adds garish amounts of accessories. In her mind, more is more, while today trends suggest a more streamlined simplistic look, not the type of violent patterns freakishly tailored in a way only Vivienne would do. I must admit, Westwood pushes the boundaries, which is what high-fashion is all about, but there are still guidelines to follow when doing so, men in tulip-skirts and woman in pants that have 6 foot legs are never good. Not to mention her love for the punk-rock scene of the 70's (which is when she got her start) that she persists on bringing back ever single season, whether fashionable or not. As harsh as it sounds, the only good thing I have to say about Miss. Westwood is that as she enters her 68th year of life, one can only hope retirement is just around the corner. But who will then fill the shoes and become designer for "The House of Westwood"? One can only imagine. 

1 meat : 10 Vegetables

A series of new independent studies have come out on a topic I find very fascinating. Vegetarianism vs. Omnivorianism.  I am only going to focus on one aspect of this phenomenon. "The ecological footprint argument". Obviously there are many other valid and non-valid reason one might choose either way of living and it should be a personal choice, but interesting facts have emerged relating to the belief that vegetarianism is better for the environment. 

It is thought that the ratio of 10:1 clearly represents the amount of vegetable matter needed to make meat. For example, the amount of meat one person might be eat, comes from an animal who ate enough food to feed ten people. This fact, no doubt, is 100% true, but like many things, when we look deep enough, there is much more to the story. This 10:1 ratio only applies to grain-fed cattle. The ratio for lamb is 5:1, and 3:1 for pork. (Please note: the ratios for poultry and seafood are so small, they are not even considered relevant). And again, this is only for grain fed livestock, which will be important to remember later on.  This ratio unfairly represents the actual amount of vegetable matter to meat product, because it only factors in actual meat values. When by-products like, leather, wool, milk, gelatin etc. of the animal are considered, (which we must do, seeing in most non-western cultures the meat is actually the secondary product), these ratios are cut in half. So now we are left with 5:1, 2.5:1 and 1.5:1 respectively. But the skewed information does not end there. Remember these numbers are for grain fed animals, which unfortunately is not the norm. When livestock are fed a grass diet while roaming a pasture, the meat to vegetable matter ratio falls even lower.

I will switch gears for minute and look at the vegetarian options. Obviously eating vegetables has 1:1 ratio...duh! But protein substitutes, like tofu and other soy based products are much higher than this. It is widely accepted that the soy product, because derived from vegetable matter, also must have a 1:1 ratio, and although at first glance this is true, just like at first glance meat has a 10:1 ratio, there is much more to the story. Because in western culture, most of our soy products are imported, (and most of our meat products are domestic) they have an enormous ecological footprint simply from shipment, but also from the making of these products themselves, almost all soy products are highly processed. Not to mention the preservatives and above average amount of non-biodegradable packaging used in many of these products. True, this does not mean that soy products have a ratio more than that of beef, but at slightly over 2:1, seafood and grass-fed poultry and pork seem to be the better option. 

Lastly, 25% of the world is deemed pasture land unsuitable for growing crops. This is a huge amount, but it is perfect for grazing livestock. With a very very small amount of land suitable for growing vegetable matter digestable to humans, livestock are actually the most efficient way of converting non-digestible matter like straw, grasses and leaves, into food the human stomach can digest. So what does this all mean? Basically, that there are so many factors to consider before forming opinions, but the conclusion I come to after much research is that the best way to use what you eat to reduce your ecological footprint on the earth, (which I hope we all do in some way), is to simply reduce the amount of meat we eat. Either extreme will only cause more harm than good, and as with most things in life, moderation is essential.  But what responsible eaters must do is demand that our meat be grass-fed livestock which as been allowed to graze naturally and live as close as is reasonable to how nature intended, while still realizing traditional farming techniques, are highly evolved and are safer for the animal than many of us might think. And for you meat lovers out there, cutting down might be a challenge for you, because believe it or not, the recommended amount of meat you need to eat in one day is only 2 or 3 ounces, which is the equivalent to about half a deck of cards. Not very much is it? But this perfect proportion will keep you healthier and reduce you environmental impact more than any other diet. The last myth that needs dispelling is that meat is fatty and therefore bad for you. This brings us back to the importance of grass-fed livest once again. When raised in a natural way, and allowed to graze in pasture, the fat in the animal is different. Not all fat is equal, grass-fed animals have much lower levels of saturated fats (bad fat), and much higher levels of omega-3 and omega-6 fats, which are essential to lowering cholesterol and healthy brain development. 

What is healthy seems to be ever changing, but I feel we are getting closer and closer to the understanding the truth. The above facts are only one aspect of the many reason one may choose to live either way of life and are not meant to pass judgement. There are so many reasons why one may choose to eat what they eat, but being very interested in my own health and the health of our planet, the stated points are of the most significance to me.

Bad Move

You know are probably making poor fashion choices when on Halloween, strangers are not sure if you are in your normal clothes or have a costume on.

Ahhhh=Awwww

Sometimes the things we think are scary, turn out to be not nearly as bad as we had imagined. Often even to the point that afterwards we feel silly we were ever scared of it in the first place. So why do we keep doing it? Probably because fear is so natural in most of us, we forget that ultimately we have total control over it.

(Honesty works)  

UGGly

Yikes winter is approaching! Sadly this means the UGG's will be increasing in number, unless something divine happens, and they all go south for the winter.

Now that would be a wonderland. 

Hold on a minute, will yah.

Speaking of trends, for some reason it has become "trendy" to hate religion. I think this is a cheap and easy way to avoid having to face what you are too uncomfortable to think about, but my point today is that often people will just say "I don't like 'organized' religion" or "religion is just a corrupt institution". And I say hold on a minute while we get the facts straight. Faith is not religion, that is important to understand. Yes, it is certainly true that religious leaders have made huge mistakes in our past and will always continue to do so, but I think it is important to give them the-benefit-of-the-doubt, we have to remember that what they are doing is attempting to interpret an enormous amount of text written by possibly hundreds of different authors who spoke languages not common anywhere in the world today and who lived over 2000 years ago in a culture very very very different from our own. We all know how confusing it can be to read Shakespeare's work, and this was written a mere 400 years ago in a culture and language much more similar in comparison, to ours today.  So the task of interpretation is a difficult one, and mistakes are bound to happen. No one is claiming to be perfect, but these religious leaders are only trying to do what they think they is right. Which may or not be end up being correct, but lets lay-off them and realize the extreme difficulty present in the manuscripts they are attempting to gather there beliefs from.    

12

I think only old people use the word "dozen". 

Stereowhat?

Ugh, sometimes things really bug me and stereotypes are one of them, for many reasons. People are so weird about it.  People need to be able to be who they are because that is who they are, not try to hide it so they don't become a stereotype. But what is even more frustrating, is when people try to become a stereotype, a trendy one, a familiar one, a interesting stereotype. Gross. If that is who you are, great, but why try to become something and fit a mould you just were not meant to fit. 

These thoughts happen way to much: 

I artistic so I must appear esthetically not-the-norm as well.

I am athletic so I have to be tough as well.

I am gay so I have to feminine and fashionable as well. 

I am a lesbian so I have to be masculine as well. 

I am young so I have to get drunk as well.

Blah blah blah, and the lame list goes on. 

If the above is who you are, and I mean who you truly are, then fine. But don't try to be that when your not, it shows, you think you can fake it, but you only end up being fake. 

Be yourself, a lot of work has gone into making you, you. So embrace it. 

Casting at the Poll.

Election time seems to bring negative in people. I think the wonder of this country is that we do have the right and freedom to vote, and vote for whoever we wish without fear of persecution. Or do we? 

Okay, no official persecution will be done in Canada to you for who you voted for, but it is very likely that your family or friends may persecute or berate you for your choice. This is unfair. There are many reason why someone may vote a certain way. You may vote for the party, you may for the leader of the party or you may vote for the MP in your riding. They are all very different reasons, but all look the same on the ballot. 

I think people also assume that because you voted one way, you agree with absolutely everything that party stands for, I doubt this is true in very many people at all. There may be a number of things I think a party might be doing wrong, but I could vote for them if I think they have the best chances at successfully running our country, which is much harder than any of us realize. We do not give politicians the credit they deserve, they are human and will mess up, but we must consider that the responsibility they hold is much greater than any responsibility any of us will probably ever have. Imagine making important decisions  for 35 million people. 

Could you really do it? 

How embarrassing...just kidding!

As much I enjoy studying social protocol, it sure is strange sometimes.  If you saw a person dancing down the street or singing on the bus, you would think they were weird, right? But why, what if they were humming or whistling? This might not be strange at all, unless they were indoors. So why is adding words to the music such a risky move? 

Humming...okay.

Singing...not okay.

And laughing--we all laugh so why do we have to contain bug laughs when in public. Yes, no one thinks as chuckle is odd, but if I was to burst into hysterical laughter, you might think it annoying or weird. Why does an expression of joy have to be taboo? We could all use more laughter, I am sure. 

Dancing: We walk in public, and we dance when music is playing, but if music is playing in public, we don't dance? 

BUT I WANT TO! 

The Skinny Pant

They are fantastic. Why would you not want to wear something that makes you look slim and narrow and trendy? People often think that the tightness must be terribly uncomfortable, but in reality, most skinny pants are not actually that tight, they are just the exact size of ones leg, making making it feel as though you are nude. Now that is comfort, thinking back the my pre-skinny pants years, I remember excess fabric flowing and bunching around me as I walked, this was uncomfortable. 

Fitted clothes feel good. 

Fall Friends

These nine days have been amazing, I have learned a lot and made a lot of new memories. No new friends were made, but old friendships were strengthened which is much more important. I love all of the people here and there, I wish I could be with them all at the same time. But I guess growing up is making hard choices. Thanks for a great time, thanks for being great friends. I love you. 

Tear Factory

I am trying so hard, why don't you care?

Frustration Is Setting In.

I don't know how much linger I can hold out. I am trying my hardest here and putting a lot into this, but I feel like I am getting absolutely nothing from the other side. Which is devastating considering how important this is to me. I want it to work out so badly, and I do all the I am know how to ensure this, but I just don't think the other sides cares, nor are they willing to talk about it. The whole thing is emotionally draining. I really am not having a good month. 

So this is it today.

I am happy.

I will see you all soon.

I am happy. 

I love you all. 

I am happy. 

For now?

This more than I can handle.

This feeling so overwhelming. I hate it.

I have never been so confused in all my life. I try my hardest to do the best I can, to do what I think is right and to be a good friend and person but I seem to get nothing. I don't know what else is left to do. 

It was so sudden.  I thought all was great ... well, all was great. Then faster than I ever would have thought, things changed. Right when they were suppose to get good. What do I do? I have no idea and that is the worst part. I need things to be good again, there is no reason why it shouldn't be. 

If I had energy to cry, I think I would. 

It wasn't really mine anyway.

Today was beautiful day and I had nothing to do so I went for a walk downtown. A pretty normal activity, right? Well today it wasn't, which was nice. 

I had been out enjoying the sunshine for about an hour when I saw woman walking up the down the busy street with a sign that read "Homeless and hungry, please help" also nothing uncommon for this city. The downtown is crawling with people asking for money, but as I walked by, seeing her sad face I could hear this "Stop and help" in my head (God? Most likely). "But there are so many people begging, I can't help them all". But I can help some. I know I have a lot, way more than she probably does, but I walked on by anyway, but when I got the corner of the street, I stopped and sat down, I literally could not go on, but parting with my cash was hard as well. Now it is not like I have never given money to the homeless before, but nothing more than a dollar, and today I felt different. I watched her, walk up and the down the block, holding her sign out the on-coming traffic. Being down the street from the American Embassy, next to the most expensive hotel in the city and less than a block away from the federal government buildings, the cars that drove by were, well lets say "expensive", and the drivers were pretty well-off too, most of them tried to act like they did not see this poor woman, but the ones who could not keep there eyes away just shrugged and drove on.  No one would help. 

I know we saw, "they will just use it for drugs anyway", but do we know that for sure? It is certain some of them do but, but a lot are just genuinely in-need and embarrassed to be asking for help, but they feel hopeless.  Was she a drug addict, I really do not think she was, but who I am to judge? All I am here for is to help others, not judge them when they are down.

So I walked up to her and she smiled as we passed, saying nothing, probably knowing I was young and hard on cash myself. This was my second clue she was for real ("the voice" being the first). So I stopped her and asked how she was doing, about to cry at this point she said "not well, I just got kicked out of my apartment and have been living on the street for a few days and have nothing to eat and no where to go". I talked to her for a bit about herself, asked her some questions and then she said shyly "do have any change, I am really hungry?". I smiled and said yes as I pulled my wallet from my bag. 

Why is she so embarrassed to ask? If anything I should be embarrassed for thinking about walking by, me with my new clothes, cell phone, iPod and digital camera with me, and her with nothing but the clothes she had on and an empty stomach. No, I am not rich but I can afford to help out. 

I handed her a relatively large bill, (or in my eye's the equivalent to an American Apparel deep V shirt), she looked at me before taking it, there was no greed in her. She leaped up to my height and kissed my cheek as she wrapped her arms around me. "Thank you, thank you and God Bless you" she said to me. I wished her well, said I hoped things worked out for her and told her to go get something to eat before giving her another hug and walking away. 

As I walked away, I turned my iPod on to random and what song came on? Well this is what I heard, coming from my "Flash-dance" soundtrack. 

"All alone I have cried silent tears full of pride"

"I can't have it all"

"What a feeling!"

Yes, what a feeling it was, to be that for someone, it made my day even more than I think it made hers. What a feeling indeed. 

What does one do (think)?

I am so excited to be here, I love the action, I love the excitement of the city. I love the freedom and independence. I love the culture here, it is a great place to be. 

So why am I sad right now. I am not miserable enough yet to want to go home. But I miss people there so much. So much more than I would have ever thought. So much more than I can even explain. It is a feeling I cannot even explain to myself. Why did I let myself get so attached to some of those people when I new I would be leaving? Probably because I know they are truly great people and I love them. I would not trade what we had for anything. It was an absolutely amazing time, ever time. Thinking I will never find a group of friends like that is what makes me the most sad. I have some really good and genuine friends here, but they are much more sparse than the loved ones I have at home. 

I am too much of a people person for this right now. I love to be with people. It is impossible for me to have too much time around family and friends, they are so important to me. I want to see them so badly right now, but what do I do? I need to see them, I need to here from them, I need to be in contact with them, I want to know how they are and what they are doing. I get comfort in simply knowing they are all still well. 

Do not get me wrong, I like to be alone now and then and I don't expect my friends to be in constant contact with me. I know this not realistic and I know moving away was a good choice in the long-run. I couldn't keep living in that comfortable and protective (and loving) bubble my whole life. I needed to get out, be on my own and experience the world in a new way. 

But is sure is hard, having to do it alone a lot of the time. 

I am happy mostly, I love this place, I love the people I know here, but all people cycle, this is just a time of sadness. 

I will get better soon...right? 

Sept 13th Post Revised

It is coming faster than I had originally thought. 

Lace.

For grannies.

For goths.

For babies.

For brides.

For triple X underwear.

For tea party doilies.

When is it appropriate?

This confuses me.

Use good judgement. 

???

I do not know what to do about it.

I do not know what to think about it.

I am unsure what the problem even is. 

Is it okay or am I now okay?

I wish I knew, but only I can know. 

What is a video?

Friendship.

It means different things for a lot of people, but friendship is one of the most important things to me and I love my friends and family dearly. So what do I think a good friendship entails?

Friendship is about love, it is a different kind of love than that of a spouse or a children, but it is definite love. Friendship is when you know you can count on the other person to be there for you in bad times: not abandoning you when things get "uncomfortable". A friend should accept who you are 100%, but be able to see areas where you can improve and be willing to challenge you to become a better person, friends need to also be able to handle constructive criticism, knowing the other is only doing with the best intentions. Friendship is about sharing laughter and tears. Friendship is about creating lasting bonds and unforgetable memories. Friendship is wanting to understand the person and being interested in learning more about them, once the obvious is known, true friends want to dig deeper. Friendship is about doing anything for the other person (within reason or course), even when you don't want to, you do it because you know it is important to your friend, and seeing them happy should make you happy. Friendship is about being genuinely glad seeing the other succeed, even if you yourself have failed. Friendship is when you know you can count on the person to help you, no matter what the problem, and when they truly have no advice, a friend is just a listener, (which for me is good enough). A friend is someone who you do not have to hide yourself from, you know you can be yourself completely, because friends do not judge. A friend is not jealous and they delight in your life. A friend should make you happy but good times are not what is all about. Friends are important to everyone, I take my "job" of friend very seriously, spending a lot of time making sure I can be the best type of friend possible. I want to help my friends grow and find themselves and I hope my friends can do the same for me, we were created to be there for one another and I have been blessed to have many people who are there for me. 

Growing up.

It is a balance between being happy to be on your own, making your own decisions and being sad that you have to leave behind stability and often people you love. 

I love most of this life.

I love all of that life.

But I knew it was time to move on from it. 

You just have to give up certain things sometimes in order to gain other things. Deciding which ones are more important is the hardest part. 

I hope I do not become lonely, I am not lonely yet and do not think I will become lonely, but it still worries me. 

Disappointing

This season menswear collection put out by Prada was a disappointing disaster. Mixing over-sized sports jackets and dress shirts of the same colour, with synthetic short-shorts never look good. It honestly reminded of those kids in high-school who try so hard to be crazy with their clothes because they just want so badly to be different, but have no idea how to fashionably put garments together in new and interesting ways, which make them different, Instead they think the more outrageous, the better. Well this is not true in high-school and it was not true on Prada's runway. The type of shorts they were modeling were probably something your weird uncle would have purchased second hand in the early 90's to go jogging in with his neon walkman and high top runners with mismatched laces. This is not what I expect from a designer collection.  

Sadness. 

Over?

This will not be the end. 

It is just a short break. 

I love you. 

Tears.

Isn't holding back a cry when you know you want to just as phony as if someone pretended they were crying without meaning it?

Fashion must.

Combine trendy articles with classic garments for a interesting, but not over-the-top look. 

You'll be sure to turn heads. 

I heard that a million times...

"There is nothing wrong with drinking"

Okay, but there is also nothing wrong with not drinking.

"I don't think smoking weed is that bad"

But neither is not smoking it.

"Having sex is okay"

Okay maybe, but not having it is definitely okay too. 

Lets both be understanding. Thanks.

Water.

This week has seen more tears on my face than ever before. some good, some bad and some for reason's I do not even know. 

Fashion.

When I see a great outfit, something chic, something classic, something edgy, I get excited. 

Seeing a person walk down the street in a amazing garment, makes them look so confident, they become confidence when the fabric is pulled over their body. I love that feeling. It makes me love that person.

Party-time.

I love to have a good time and being with friends my favourite thing to do. Anyone who knows me knows I love to be crazy and they also know I don't drink. You can guess nearly all my friends do and I have no problem with that. I never judge people for the choices they make, that is not my job. But what I do have a problem with is the assumption that in order to have fun one must be drunk. That is not the case and I prove it daily. If you want to have some drinks, get tipsy---get drunk, whatever, it is your choice and I am fine with that, but why is it that drinking is assumed? What bothers me is when people feel that there night will be ruined or hindered in some way, if the friends they are with decide not to drink that night. How does that work? I just feel like it is so expected of me, because of my age, it makes we want to do it even less. Do not make me fit the norm. 

Thomas is ...

...unsure what to think right now. 

Ready to burst into tears.

I have never felt like this before. What is the emotion even called? I want to cry, but I can't, I am about to be angry but I know that would just be stupid especially right now. I am afraid, frustrated, confused and wondering. I leave soon and the people who I want to be with more than anyone are absent. This sucks.

This is the real thing.

You are truly my BFF. 

As lame as that expression may be, we're it. 

I can hardly believe how quickly we went from  not knowing each other to where we are right now, sadly I leave soon but I hope our friendship only gets stronger. 

Blogging Syndrome

I love to blog, I like knowing that people are reading are reading what I am thinking without me knowing who they are and when they are discovering these things about me. This blog is secret, so if you are reading it and do not know me, consider yourself lucky, you get to glimpse into the complex mind of T----- H--- and that excited me, if you are reading and I do know you, your lucky too, because only 5 people I know know about this blog and if you know the address, I value our friendship and consider you trusting enough to share my thought with you without a fear of ridicule. If something you read makes you think, please leave me comments or talk to me about it in person, I would love that. I probably will give you an answer.

A B C'yah!

Embracing Faces

Why is kissing in North America taboo? Unless amongst lovers. So many of my friends kiss one another...nothing sexual...nothing long...but what we like to call "mom kisses". I love the idea of it. It is frowned upon, for males in particular, to give friendly "pecks". I do not know how it began amongst my friends, but after having kissed almost all of them, I stopped caring. We are so in love with one another, in the same way that you love your family. I kiss my parents and grandparents, so why not kiss my friends. It may be strange to many people, but so are a lot of other things we do, so I don't think I care. And if it bothers anyone, they should just look to the countless other cultures in the world who use kisses like we do handshakes. For goodness sakes, even Jesus is recorded as having kissed his male friends as a welcome or goodbye. I hope we never stop, it's tradition we have created which I want to last forever. How wonderful to have people that when you need it most will let you cuddle them, hug them, kiss them, and sometimes when we get hyper--bite them. It is comforting to have people in your life who you can be 100% comfortable with, while knowing everyone is aware of appropriate boundaries.

I love you guys.

A Fashion First

I am greatly looking forward to an upcoming day of great fashion, wonderful finds and excellent company. Shopping is one of my many favourite things to do and when I get to do it with friends who feel the same way, it doubles the enjoyment. I hope to come home with some really amazing clothes and memories. My clothes are souvenirs of the day or place I bought them. Everytime I wear them, I remember the day I first laid eye's on it.

Summer fashion.

Think colours. Think solids. Think layers. Think patterns, (well think about patterns carefully.  actually). Think light scarves. Think vests. Think sunglasses, (think about making a statement with them, not about blocking UVA and UVB's). Think fun. Think fresh. Think cuts offs, (try cutting of a pair of skinny jeans just above the knew and letting it fray). Think a lot about shoes, (without sock of goodness sakes! And only think about sandals a little bit). 

Think fashion.

Be happy. 

Fiasco Tranny Strike again.

Last night was the biggest fiasco yet. I was out with a friend and I had my Apple Laptop in my car so that we could listen to music, when he went home I swung by another friends house to say hello. When I came out to my car again after just a short time, I realized the laptop was missing. 

I felt sick, how can somebody do that to me. Forgetting the lost $2000, I would loose all my music, all my photo's, all video projects and all my other documents. I literally thought I was going to throw up. 

We called the police who were polite but less than hopeful. I waited for what seemed like forever for them to arrive, eating chocolate after chocolate in hopes of easing "the pain". In reality it took about 20 minutes for them to get there, which is still too long. But there is more to the story in between. After we called, I prayed to God that it would be returned, that the thieves would have remorse, that the police would find them....anything. I knew it was only monetary, but I hoped God would still care and praying was all I could do. 

It turns out I was lucky that police took so long to get there, because while I sat waiting for them, I saw a male and female slowly approach my car, I watched them through the window of  the house, and when he looked in my car, I worried, called to my friends parents who went outside as the two suspects ran. My friends father chased them down the street shouting at them to return the computer. The man was fast, but the woman of less than five feet could not keep up.  "Father" (as I will call him from now on) hid in the dark of the trees they had run into and he listened to the rustling of feet. Shouting "Are you going to come out, or will I have to come in after you!", "Father", waited patiently. Suddenly the stout woman jumped out crying "It wasn't me", "father" lunged and grabbed her by the arm pulling her back towards his house. She did not struggle, but was not happy to be caught. as they got into the light , I saw she was about 40. "mother", (my friends mom), ran towards her shouting in her elementary school teachers voice, "SHAME ON YOU! What are you thinking, who does that? You are childish and disgusting, SHAME ON YOU!". "Mother" was on the phone with the cops again, who had not arrived. As we held the woman in custody. The police on the phone asked us to describe her and "mother" did a fantastic job, we looked at her, asked her her name, age (46, honestly), accomplices name and his age, their address, jobs and she spilled it all. She felt so bad and kept saying how she had not wanted to do it, but her husband thought they could get away. I calmly asked her why, and she could not really answer. All she said was how sorry she was and how bad she felt I would loose all my important documents. It made me want to cry seeing her, this grown woman, caught in a random act and so disgusted at herself. I wanted to hug her and she held back tears, but decided not to. The cops came and took her away, she told them the laptop was back at their house and she would lead them to the apartment. The cops arrived later without having found the computer of her husband to take statements, as this was finishing up, we all heard on the cops radio "We have found the man and the computer is safe", The cops left and returned minutes later with the laptop in hand and unharmed.

I was so happy...relieved, and thankful . So many things went perfectly. If they had not come back to look for more I would never know who took it. If the cops had come right away after the first call, when the thieves did return they would have ran away before anyone saw them. If  my friends father had been asleep, as it was 1:00 am, he would never have caught them. So many things went right for me and I am so thankful for it all. 

I hope those two "adults" have learned their lesson. 

Healthy vs. Trendy

1000 mile. Vegan. Atkins. The Hamptons. Okinawa Program. Vegetarian. Fat Free. South Beach. Liquid Flush. Raw Food Only.

Don't get me wrong...I love trends, take one look in my closet and you'll know. But what is it about diets that are so trendy? But we all seem to be doing it all so wrong, when the answer is just so simple. We only have one body and we need to do all we can to take care of it, and sometimes the one's who do seem to care are more interested in what is the most trendiest way of eating and not the healthiest. The answer is this simple: A Well Balanced Diet. That is it, the problem with most diets is that they take one potential "body destroyer" and cut it out 100% from the dieters life. Whether that be carbohydrates, fat, meat, sugar, foreign food or root vegetables. People seem to think that if they just remove the one thing, they will rejuvenate their body and become healthy. The scary part of this is, that often the diet may make you smaller in size for a while, but it is not actually making you healthier or ridding your self of the more harmful internal fat.

In reality if the food is something that is natural to this earth, a reasonable amount of it will not harm you. If you want to try to be a heathy person there are so many more harmful things that should be removed from your diet than the list of things the trendy diets tell us we should avoid. Before cutting out nature's grocery store try some of the garbage man has made for us to eat: processed foods (like soy products, spreads, bleached flours and sugars), ground meats (hamburgers), cured meat (bacon and sausage), pickled vegetables, instant meals, TV dinners, powdered mixes and preserved food are the ones to avoid or cut out. What made people think that natural foods like grain, fruits, dairy, meat and natural sugar would harm your body? The key is moderation because it is true that too much of these natural foods will harm you, some more others obviously, like too much red meat no matter how fresh is bad for the brain, but a small amount now and then, like 2-5 servings a month will give your body benefits it can't find anywhere else. Even too much a certain vegetable will overload you body, but cutting something natural from your diet shocks your body. Yes it is true that when cutting something from your diet you could ingest supplements, but can a man-made substance ever win-out against mother nature. For example dairy is so much more than calcium, meat is so much more than protein, grain is so much more than carbohydrates and vegetables are so much more than vitamins, that is why we need a good balance so out body can gather everything it needs. The body was created with a lot of thought and it our responsibility to take care of it.

No doubt in North America, we eat way too much of certain things. Meat for example, 2-3 servings a day? That is a joke right? Minimizing you meat intake and trying out other form of natures protein allows your body some variety. Try seafood, wild poultry, lentils, nuts, broccoli, seeds and eggs. The average body needs only 45 grams of protein a day. When beef and pork are you sole sources of protein, you ingest some good stuff, but also a lot of bad stuff, like growth hormones.

The same goes for grains. Our body uses the simple and natural sugars in carbs to provide us with energy, which we obviously need, but we should still be careful. North Americans eat way to much wheat (and mostly bleached wheat at that). No wonder there are so many people allergic to wheat now. There are so many other types of grains out there and your body would enjoy a balance of them now and then.

Vegetables too, what did you have this week, let me guess...carrot, celery, tomato, potato and onion. While all good for you, not all vegetables are created equal and your body needs balance of as many as you can get, generally the more vibrant the colour the better they will be for you, but don't "cut-out" the other kinds, they have stuff no other type of vegetable has.

Basically all you need is common sense when choosing what to eat. Balance your self and use moderation instead of removing certain items you think might be bad for you, while you continue to much on factory made foods you know are bad for you. Most importantly, enjoy what you eat and don't obsess over it, beating yourself about making a mistake now and then will only cause stress which is one of the worst things for you body, but thats a whole another blog entry.

_________________________________________________________________

Good turned bad.

I just had a really nice night with a good friend, and it ended up being ruined by the venomous words of another friend. I can not let this bother me. One mediocre friend will not ruin the friendship I have with a better friend. That would be ridiculous. 

Meddlers.

Why do people get so much enjoyment meddling in other peoples business. If has nothing to do with you and will never affect you, let it be. This is my business, stop trying to make something out of nothing. 

Ugh...I feel sick. 

Late night scandals.

So this is how it is. I was hanging out with a good friend of mine last night and it was nearing 11:00 p.m. and we needed something fun to do. We had often talked about late night swims and last night was the night to do it. We got some towels and went down to the water...wait! What water? This is the second best part of the story (the best part will come later), did we go to a lake? No. We went to the man made rectangular "pond" in the new adult community. The small lake is surrounded on all sides by houses and there are benches that line the path around the water. We go down to the darkest part of the pond and apprehensively undress. I have never been so close to being nude in the middle of the residential area! We slowly walked in, up to our necks, as our feet sank in the slime below. Success! It was short but it was great! So crazy it made me laugh for hours, we had wanted to do it for weeks and now we had.

So what was the best part of it all? When we got out, instead of wearing wet underwear under our clothes, we pulled them off and tossed them in the lake.

Radical? I think not.

Why is that anyway who pokes fun or disrespects religious people such as Jews, Muslims or Hindu's are labeled "intolerant" or "racist", when everyone is more than welcome to disregard Christianity and make as much fun of it as much as they want? I thought we lived in an equal opportunity world? If someone who is a Christian is trying to share their religion or express there beliefs, they are often accused of pushing their views on others, when most often this is not the case. I will be the first to admit that a lot of wrong is done in the name of God, and Christians make mistakes all the time about how they interact with the world, which is very unfortunate. We are taught not to judge anyone and to love everyone, even the people who sin, because we all sin. It is not up to us to condemn those who do wrong, and too many Christians do that. But despite all this, too many non-Christians disregard the importance of Christ in a Christians life and do want anything to do with it. They say, it is not for me. Well actually if you celebrate Christmas or Easter then you do want something to do with it. No should be forcing their religion on you, but no one should be outrightly disregarding the importance of religion in someone's life. Would you make fun of a Jewish person for asking not to cook with pork around their food, no of course not...so why would someone make fun of Christian for not wanting to have sex or get drunk? They are both apart of the person belief and are both valid. Now I don;t want to sound as if I am attacking non-Christian for what they do, all I ask if that they respect us like they should respect everyone.

Who are you?

I think know who I am...for the most part anyway. I will always find new things about myself, but right now I know as much as I can and am very comfortable with it all. 

I often hear, "I don't care what others think of me" and laugh. Yes you do, we all I do. I certainly do, but more importantly than not caring; I don't change who I am because of what others think of me. 

I would never do something because I felt I had to in order to fit in, I do what I feel good about and can't understand why others would want to be like their peers, but again, more importantly, I would never not do something I liked because everyone else was doing it. Why deny your self a pleasure you enjoy just because it is popular? It makes me sad to see my friends do something only to fit-in or impress other people, and it makes me really sad to see them refuse something they would enjoy, as a protest against conformity. 

Are they really moving forward? 

People just need to be themselves and not worry about what others might say about them behind their back, it makes you a lot happier person. People also need to listen what is being said about them, they might just learn something about themselves they never knew. 

Well look what I just found.

It has been about 19 years, but I finally have one now. 

T and E and S

We are so much fun, I hope they can come.

Pencil + Skirt = Fabulous

The pencil skirt: one of the simplest garments known to human-kind. It is straight and lacks frills, graphics or embellishments of any kind, yet still remains to create one the most elegant and flattering silhouettes a woman can attain. The simplistic glamour has stood the test of time and I do not forecast a receding popularity.

If you have two legs, with nothing in between...go get one.

And you thought is wasn't going to happen

Sarah Walkington eats so many "apples".
Katie Keast and me make "sandwiches".
Natalia Wiercigroch likes to be "dead".
Melissa is a "negro"?

See...I told you I would blog about you.

I would love a bite of that stolen Panini

So I was out last with some friends and we stopped at the convenience store for some snacks, when we get back into my car, one of the girls says "I have a surprise in my pants" and she pulled out a panini she had shoved down there and walked out with, hilarious...wrong and illegal, but definitely hilarious. Then we head over to a fast food drive through to get some more food for another person in the car, while waiting in the line up outside, a man walks by wearing a garbage bag and my friend yells to him "hey garbage bag boy", and then he actually walks up to our window, reaches in, and says "I would love that", precedes to take the panini from the dumbfounded girls hands, and walk away eating it. She was shocked and the rest of us could hardly control our laughter.

I love my friends.

Magic

'La Bouche' is right, the summer is magic, I am having the best time of my life.
Lazy days at work, nights out with hilarious friends, days off at the beach under the hot sun. What more could I want. This city is so wonderful, laid back, friendly and fun, the people are amazing and I love them all. My home is serene, I have ultimate freedom. Why can't life go on like this forever?

The Mouth.

Twinkle twinkle little star

Girl I wonder who you are

Up above the clouds so high

Like a diamond in the sky

So too real, with much appeal

You know the deal, it must be real

Love to love, girl take a clue

Love to love it, me and you

"The Mouth" 

Wearer Beware

I sure hope this woman doesn't lay down in any public parks, or some unsuspecting family might come along and set up a picnic on top of her.

Moral of the story: If your dress looks like a table cloth, blanket, drapes or a tent, do not wear it.

Fashion vs. art.

Why do people think fashion is frivolous? Is it not as valid as any other form of art. People adore paintings, sculptures and photographs, in fact we love them so much, some people spend more money on one these types of art than some people make in a life time and we spend billions on buildings, which are often art in themselves, to store and showcase these masterpieces. So why do so many people think fashion is less than this, I happen to think that fashion is an even more valid form of art actually. It is not only beautiful but practical, a painting hangs on the wall waiting for the occasional glance form a passerby, but fashion in worn as close to the body as possible and is the first thing others look at when they see you. It is a mobile art piece. In addition, this type of art tells something about the owner. It shows who they are and helps express there personality. Fashion is very important in our world and more people should embrace it. 

This is not the trend.

I think more and more men are becoming more and more interested in their appearance. Sadly though, this trend is very slow (too slowly) to catch on, but then I think, is this even the trend? No I don't think so. Everyone is saying (and by everyone, I mean the men who stand on the street in the same pair of oversized denim they wore three other times this week and the t-shirt that they either got for free in some sort of promotional stunt or the cliché "Abercrombie", "Hollister", of for goodness sakes the "Billabong" shirt, and think they are "cool") that there is trend of metro-sexuality that is sweeping the nation and destroying what men stand for--which is what exactly--mustard stained sweats? Why does some one who cares about what they look like have to be put into a category, or a whole another form of sexuality, actually. We are still men, and a lot of us like the same types of things you other guys like. Have we not learned yet that segregating types of people into categories always turns out bad? Look what we did after putting black people into a group, jews in to a group, gays, communists etc. It only makes it easier for other people to judge and hate. Anyway back to the trend comment, I do not think "metro-sexuality" (for lack of another short word) is the trend, I think men not caring about what they look like when they leave the house is the trend, in fact I know this is the trend, it started in 1950 and sadly became popular in 1970 and has become increasingly popular ever since. It kind of follows the time-line of the sexual-revolution and womans liberty. If we look back in history men were always equally, if not more so, wearing elaborate costumes and immaculate garments. Going back to ancient Egypt, the men wore wigs to cover up there naturally disheveled hair and often wore more eye make-up then many woman today. During the french revolution we see images of men in velvet petty-coats covered in lace, leotards with ballet-like slippers and elaborately coiffed hairstyles powered white. Even in the early 1900's men were almost always seen in suits and fedora hats--no matter how poor they wer--and were clean shaven and well groomed all the time. So why did we forget about all of this and suddenly decide that it was actually manly to be un-groomed, un-cultured and un-interested in self-image? It makes no sense to me, and what makes it worse is that many woman have also been convinced of this too and these "cave-like" men are actually attractive to them, only perpetuating the problem. Luckily though are still some woman out there who understand the importance and appeal of a man who looks great, all the time. 

I did it for her.

So I am living with a host family right now and this weekend it is only me and the woman, as all the other students are gone on a trip. I was asleep and I came out for dinner and what I saw on my plate scared me, a combination of all things I hate. First off I have not eaten a single potato chip in 7 1/5 and a half years and the majority of my plate was covered in Ketchup chips (a kind, that even when I did eat chips, I hated). Secondly I think that Ham and Cheese is one of the worst combinations of food possible, I hate deli meat and it is even worse when people try to cook it, I also have not had Cheese-whiz for over 12 years, as I think this is one of the most vulgar substances on this planet, followed only by vomit itself. So you will never guess what I find laying atop this mound of chips...a croissant with fried deli ham covered in melting cheese-whiz. Oh yah I almost forgot the whole thing was generously covered in a thick layer of mayonnaise, which ties with cheese-whiz for the worst thing on Earth. What was I too, my host mother was horribly ill and had still taken the time to make this dinner for me, as I was the only one at the table with her, slipping the abhorrent dinner into my pocket, (like in the hot dog story), was not possible so I had to slowly, bit my bit eat the thing, trying to bite off pieces so small my taste buds would not even have a chance to taste the "food". 

There is me and then there is them.

I just realized again how different I am than most males. Here I am sitting in a bar dressed in a sea foam green cardigan and skinny jeans sipping my water and watching Ugly Betty online while there is a crowd of guys in oversized jeans and t-shirts gulping their beers and shouting out at the hockey game on TV. Oh dear. Oh well. I love you Betty Suarez. 

This is Me.

 Me is different from everyone else, and I like that about him, but it can cause him trouble from time to time. A lot of people don't understand Me, but that is his own fault sometimes, I want Me to let people see him, Me and I get along quite well. Me is assertive in his own right. Me has his own definition of assertiveness, of maturity, of life, of art. I think Me just prefers to please others and make sure no one else feels bad, unhappy or unaware, over making sure the world knows that Me actually does know what is going know or what is being talked about. Me just doesn't like to show that, allowing others to be shown as "right" or "smart" is more important to Me than making sure everyone is aware of Me's abilities and this sometimes causes people to think Me is too passive, indecisive or ignorant (in the actual sense of the word). Me is not. I want you to see Me for who he is, I know it might be hard, but keep trying. Me will appreciate it. Me intentionally does not say "I know...I know" when his friends tell him that he already knows, Me does not say "yah I heard the one before" when he has heard the one before and Me feels uncomfortable telling someone they are mistaken. Sometime I tell Me that he needs to change this, stand up for himself and say what it is he wants, but then when I really think about it, I actually like Me just the way he is, because he actually does speak up when it is truly important and I see that he likes to make others feel good, even if it makes himself look less. Me and me will keep talking and I am sure we can come up with something. 

La Bouche

The Summer is magic, is magic, oh oh oh.

The Summer is magic.

You have to imagine, imagine oh oh oh.

The Summer is magic. 

Graceful Movements

I just took part in a 90 minute Ballet-Jazz workshop. It was just a last minute "thing-to-do" and it turned out to be a lot of fun. I have seen a few ballet's in my life but never actually done it. I was not good at it, but seeing some of the more advanced people in the class dance across the floor was amazing, it was so beautiful and graceful. I want to see more of it. It seems so prissy and little girl-like to a lot of people but it is actually very difficult and take immense amount of strength. A very enjoyable experience. 

Idea

Why don't more people use the wonder of second hand stores, there are so many treasures in each of them, you just need to know how to look. It is true that at first sight, 90% of the the clothes are ugly or ill-fitting, but with the right eye you should be able to see how some simple altetrations can quickly, easily and cheaply change drap into fab. Try it.

ATTENTION !!!

Patterns are in this season, but be careful how you were them. Match with solid navy or white for best results. Avoid shapeless garments, or you will look like you are wearing a tablecloth. Over. 

I spoke to soon...yet again.

I like this place, I just would have to get to use to living here, a lot of the people, in fact most of the people are really great. As usual, it is the negative minority that gives a place a bad name.  But lucky for them, and lucky for me, I do not have to associate with those people. 

I have some good friends who love me.

Did I really say that? It was joke.

My whole life is a constant fashion show.

Every minute is a chance for me to pose. 

I want the spotlight to be on me today. 

I am pretty sure my middle name is Vogue. 

I do not just want to make works of art, I want to be a work of art. 

Every rhythmic noise I hear makes me want to dance.

I secretly hope I am a werewolf in my next life.

I wish my mother was Cher, but only during the time when she was mermaid. 

Boring people are just so...boring.

You know you are fat when you are 3-D.

Where am I?

This is a strnge little town, to small, to sheltered and to conservative for my liking. I am a artist and an actor and it shows.. The people of this place have never seen anyone like me. A boy in the skinniest of jeans, with silk scarves around his neck. Wollen walking shorts and sunglesses of all shapes and colours on his face. Back home I am praised for this. The people here stare as though I am a circus wonder. I don'd mind I guess, but do they not have anything else to do? At least they do not how to talk to me, becasue the ones who do, love me.

Chien-Chaud

I have a hilarious (high-larious) story. Okay, so right now I am living with a host family in a place thet does not speak English. The title of this post may or not imply that the language in this region is French. Tonight for diner, my host-mother served hot dogs, and me being a people pleaser and never wanting to offend a person, I graciously accepted my plate of two hot dogs with a smile on the outside, and a huge frown on the inside. I think hot dogs are the worst food on this planet. Dégoutante, as the people here say. So as we all sat around the table eating our chien-chauds, I had a watchful and somewhat shifty eye on all the other guest in the room, so I could seize the exact moment when everyone's eye's were diverted and I could freely and secretly loosen the grip on my bun just enough that the hot dog would slip out of it and onto my lap, where I was then free to wedge the stick of who-knows-what in to my pocket for disposal after the dinner had finished. I am now at the the school, where I brought the hot dogs so the evidence of my crime would be never be found.

I am hungry.
If only 2 buns were enough to fill a boys stomach.

For real, you put that out?

This is to all Vogue readers, the ultmate in fashion, style and glamourous living. It may be a little late to stop you from buying the May issue of the American Vogue, but if you haven`t, you may want to hold off until you have actually read it. With advertisments for prducts like Pantene and Loreal, I wonder where the Haute Couture we expect has gone. I have had the chance to read the Britisah issue of Vogue for May as well, and let me just say, as usual the Euopeans wins again in the Fashion Race. It is full of interesting articles and of course beutiful high fashion photographs! Very well done England, unfortunatley this edition is harder to come by in Canada (I bought mine in Toronto), and it is more than double the price, but as usual, Europen magazines like Vogue, Lush or others, are well worth the effort getting them.

Salut.

I am here, it took a while and you could call it a fiasco, but I think of it as an adventure. I undersdtand more than that I did last time, and I can speak as I please, which is nice. I love it, but miss my other two lives. Oh well, now I have three.

A race with the clock

As I sit here on a public computer, with the timer on my 60 minute limit now at 4 minutes, I comtemplate about time and the contraints we allow it to put on us. Why can I not just do what I want when I want. Instead I have a time whern it has to be done by or whren Ican start it. I want my life to flow and unfold naturally and not have to worry about how old one shouyld be when something significant is done or at what time of day I am allowed to do things and not do things. I have 2 minutes left and I have not time to proofred this so this is sorry in advance. I hate it. Who cares how long or short I take to do domething, as long as it gets done, unless of course it inconveinences someone else, but that would only happen if they were on time constraints asd well. 30 seconds left, I must click publish now. Good bye.

This is a temporary end.

I have loved blogging while it lasted but as of today I do not have internet access at home, this will last for 4 months. My blogging will be only now-and-then for a while. I am leaving this city to go home, and I will deeply miss everyone I know here and the life I have here. Living with people will never happen again and although I was never in love with the idea at the time, now that is over, I will moss them all and this way of life. It is sad. I feel like I will have two lives, I do have two lives, neither are the same and no one in on this earth crosses over into both. It happened briefly three times, but  that was not enough to prevent me from feeling like I am leaving this life for another. I will be back.

It is a sad day.

Why?

I am leaving.

I will not see them for a while.

I did not get in. 

I don't have one yet.

I am out of paté.

Untitled

Another definition question. Maturity. Seriously what does that mean? I think it has a different meaning for everyone and that is totally valid. Whose to say what is and is not mature. Obviously there are the occasional commonalities, but really, who chooses what one can do and still be considered mature and vise versa. I guess the discrepancy is more apparent in what is immature than what is mature, we all know it is mature to admit to being wrong and to help someone out with nothing in return, but immaturity, what is that? Is it immature to laugh loudly in public? Is it immature to make a funny face? I think a lot of the times people who have made the self-proclamation of being mature people, confuse silliness, frivolity and acting crazy as immature behaviour, when really this is so open for debate, who are they to say this is immature. Now intellectual maturity is another thing. Have you only reached maturity once you are able to communicate your feelings well with spoken word, or once you feel confident in crowds, for example,  and are the lack of those characteristics in a person not just as legitimate as having them? Maybe, maybe not, I don't know yet for sure either. Being able to develop your thoughts and a state of awareness of oneself are mature qualities, do we all agree? But isn't someone who goes around accusing others of being immature for simply committing acts that they themselves would never do an immature person themselves? It seems in some weird backwards way that "mature" people can't always understand where others are coming from and when they do not understand something in another person, they ill-accuse the quality to be immaturity. I do not mean to sound as though I am opposed to maturity, because that would just be silly, but I simply think we all need to question what the word means to us and realize there are legitimate variations on the term. Is this a fair request, I think so. Right now, at this moment in time, maturity for me means knowing who you are and being fully comfortable with that, but in a way that come so naturally that you are completely unaware of this thoughts presence, because the moment you cling to  your own sense of maturity, you lose a little piece of it. 

Do we actually still make that?

Polyester shirts? Really? Why? Have we not advanced enough in fashion to stop the practice of creating fibre's from chemicals to wear on our bodies? With the concern for the environment and the movement towards organic foods, I would have thought we would have discontinued the use of man-made fibre's in garment making for the more beautiful fibre's which grow naturally; linen, cotton, silk, rayon (well it is sort of natural). I can understand the need for synthetics in leggings, shoes, waterproof clothing and other such garments, but what is the need for a polyester dress shirt?  "Oh yes please. I do think I would like to wear a plastic bad around my torso so my skin cannot breathe ad I look like an idiot, thank you". Ummmm not!

And Sorry "Glamour" is what exactly?

I just had to explain the meaning of glamour to a boy I know whose second language is English and did not understand the meaning of the word. Everyone in the room used me as an example of what the meant, which obviously flattered me intensely, but then began to think about what the word "glamour" really means? It is such a general term. The dictionary says that glamour is the exciting quality that makes things special, but this is even to general for me, partly because people and there lifestyles, not things, are glamourous. I do not expect to find a definite answer right now, because the only thing I can do is to give examples of what glamour is and is not. A beautiful woman in a vintage gown smoking extra long cigarettes with a fancy hat placed delicately upon her well coiffed hair is glamourous. A black and white movie star strutting down a red carpet wearing a couture gown and covered in diamonds is glamourous. Sadly these images are reminiscent of years gone by because it seems today people choose sex appeal over glamour with the misconception that they are indeed portraying glamour and beauty instead. Glamour does not mean showing skin. Glamour is not being rich. Glamour is not being prudish. Glamour is not being sexually provocative. To me being glamourous means being sophisticated, not in an intellectual way, but rather just simply in your presence as a human being, your finesse and style in the way you live your life, and being able to allow yourself to naturally and consistently portray a lifestyle that shows more elegance than the day to day lives of most people, but most definitely in a non-proud way, as if it is so natural you hardly notice its existence. 

Seriously, you too?

Why does everyone back home also want to learn French? It won't make me so special anymore. Ugh!

A beautiful photo I wanted you to see.

I just came across this photograph, (I believe it is a Gucci advertisement) and I thought is was so fabulous I wanted to share it with all of you bloggers. The blouse is nice (seeing there really are no bottom garments, that is all one can say) and the shoes and wonderful, but that is not why I like this picture so much. I don't care what it is advertising. The composition is amazing, and the reflection turns it into something stunning. Her hair and facial expression is just plain fantastic. I would only wish the top of her head had not been cut off by the edge of the photo. Perhaps the photographers error, or just a google image cropping error from the original. I would like to think the latter. 

Quick thoughts before bed.

No one really knows who I am. I am mis-understood a lot. But not in that lame teenaged-angst woe-is-me, type if way. My personality is such that I knowingly perpetuate this thinking in other people. I don't really like that. I like the alternative even less. I am too scared of being rude. 

I am funny. I am artistic. I am so much more. 

Oops...I spoke too soon.

To the contrary of a previous post, I do not know what art is.I want to. I need to. I love you art. I have an obsession with art stronger than anything else. In the past, I have created works of art solely without meaning, rather I made visually pleasing images. I thought art was meant for entertainment and not to provoke thought amongst viewers. I still agree with this, but now I think I agree with the opposite as well. More and more I want to create work of art that have voices within the canvas fibre. New young voices that are saying things no other canvas is saying. I like to adding text with images, which I should have known instantly creates meaning. I now do. The alphabet is a series of artfully created images, that have an assumed meaning behind them, and when placed together in a certain commonly accepted sequence, their meaning becomes blatant. I once thought I could be like Andy Warhol, a creator of images, who simplified the art making process almost into nothing.  I am not so sure that is what he did. Or did he? I know he was a fascinating and complex man who wanted to make a commentary of American values and the concept of celebrity. What was his commentary exactly, I think need to keep looking. I want to be my own artist, but I want to understand Warhol, an important revolutionizer of art. Meaning behind art seems to be a recent practice. It was not until the painting of the railroad workers in the 19th century that artwork with subjects other than nobility and landscapes replicated with photographic quality were produced. In a sense I think I will always lean toward the "art is for entertainment" side. I listen to music for the beat, not for the words. I go the theatre to enjoy myself, not for social commentary. I look at art to please my eye's. Is it hypocritical (high-pocrytical) to want to create art with meaning, but not to want to have to deal with meaningful art from other people? For now this is what I will think, and if my art has meaning, then so be it, if is doesn't, aslo so be it. The End. 

Well that rambled. 

The secret life of a blogger.

So my blog is getting out there. Initially I wanted it to be a private thing, but I told one person, which turned into three and now who knows how many of my friends know. There are somethings on here I was not ready for friends to know about me, but I guess this is good way to get it all out there. I am scared, I am thrilled. I just hope those of you reading this that I actually know, will come back to read more, but don't make fun of me for what you read. Thanks. Peace out! (I don't really talk like that.)

This is fashion done in the wrong way.

When I was in the mall yesterday and saw this woman's shirt I couldn't help but wonder what she could have been thinking when she bought such a hideous garment. I know it seems cruel or mean, but bad fashion simply can not be tolerated in today's world. If the polyester fiber's were not bad enough, the pattern made my eye's sting. It was reminiscent to 20th century modern artist Piet Mondrian's works of geometric shapes (shown in the far left image), maybe she is such an avid fan of his she wanted to wear one of his paintings, or maybe she has a blind clown for a stylist, who really knows?

A High Fashion Slideshow Set to Music

 This is a compilation of high fashion photographs, which I have put together and set the song "Supermodel" by the famous Club Kid and cross-dressing entertainer, RuPaul. I hope you enjoy the photo's. 

Sometimes I embarrass myself.

Last week I was on the bus listening to music from my MacBook, which, just to be clear, I do not usually carry around pretending it is an mp3 player, but the bus ride was very long and I wanted something good to listen to. I settled into my seat, opened up the computer, put my headphones on and clicked play on one of my favourite songs; a early 90's dance tune, with a very bouncy beat, something I do not want the general public knowing I like. But for some reason my headphones were super quiet and I could barley hear anything, so I kept turning the music up louder and louder and I noticed more and more people beginning to look at me, and I was like "what?". Then I looked down to see the cord for my headphones dangling beneath my seat, not attached to anything! I quickly pulled them from my ears only to hear the song blasting from the computers speakers for everyone to hear. I was mortified, but secretly thrilled at the attention I had given myself. 

My newest hobby--Fashion design.

I have recently begun the hobby of fashion design. I have about ten outfits designed so far, all of which are all woman's-wear, as this is easier for me to create right now, but I would love to be able to get into men's-wear, as currently this is lacking any sort if artistic design or visual interest. Woman have so many more options in their clothing choices than men do. I find what I draw, is what I wish more woman dressed like. It is a reflection of what I try to achieve in my own outfits, only changed into woman's clothing. My style is one that combines classic design with distinct and current trends in a fresh modern way. For my designs I love using the puff-sleeve and high-waisted pencil skirts. The bit of ruffle at the hem is something I came up with and I feel the off-set buttons add subtle visual interest. The bias cut fabric is perfect for a pencil skirt which needs to be fitted, but stretch just enough to allow for easy walking (haha, I am acting as if I have worn before, which I have not). As usual, I could not allow myself to consider creating a skirt that went below the knee-cap. I will put some more designs up as I create them. Some are good, some are bad and some are just plain fantastic.

Washroom snack machine?

Okay, I am sorry, is this funny or is this funny? Yes I did do this, but I will sadly admit that it was not my idea originally. I was in a washroom a while back and saw this type of hand-dryer with these steps: 1) Push Button 2) Get Bacon 3) Eat Bacon, written for each of the pictures and I thought it was hilarious. (Step two seemed a little redundant so I cut it out for my own version.) Ever since that day I have been carrying around a Sharpie marker waiting to come across this model of hand-dryer again, and today was the day I found one, in a Chapters washroom downtown. I was totally excited about being able to do it and I am now going to make it my personal mission to convert all of the lame hand-dryers visual instructions in to hilarious works of witty art every single time I come across one with a marker in hand. Which I will always carry hoping to complete this important task.

A few thoughts on my own Artwork.

This is a piece I created as part of a class I was taking in university. My idea was to continue my love for pop art and pay homage to my favourite pop artists by combining and reworking some of there well known works and adding in a few of my own images. The Campbell's Soup Can and the General Mao are works by Andy Warhol while the Untitled Girl in the top corner is piece by Roy Liechtenstein. Twiggy and the rendition of the Roman Coliseum are my own creations. Although I generally make art for the purpose of entertainment and not to provoke thought, there are a few things I feel this painting is saying. It is a comment on culture, power and the ways in which people attain power or are granted power. Mao, obviously the largest image in the compilation, is a representation of how he had the most power in his time. As communist leader of China in the 1960's, Mao had a huge amount of power and global influence, but this power was self-proclaimed and self-attained, not granted or given to him, and this is why I have put him in the background. He was famous, but people did not like him or respect his power. Twiggy, on the other hand, was a famous fashion model in the 1960's and her celebrity was granted by the people. She was and still is adored by the public as a fashion icon, but I made the image of her transparent, as a symbol not necessarily of her character in particular but in the false sense of power and influence we give celebrities in general, and how their power is completely at the will of the common people. The reason behind the hot pink ancient ruins was more of visual interest than deep meaning. When we think of the coliseum, we think old crumbling stones and I wanted to modernize these ruins by "pop-artifying" them and bringing them into todays world. In a way the painting also shows a passage of time from left to right with each image being a little later in time.  Tell me what you think of my art and what this image mean to you. Keep looking out more of my work in this blog in the future.