Feelings.

It is weird when I realize that the exact advice I give my friends is what I should be giving to myself. if I know it so well to tell it to others, why do I not realize it for myself? I care about people so much, sometimes I must forget about myself, but I suppose it is not that bad, the feeling of realizing what I just told you applies more to me than anyone else is weird, but strangely helpful. 

On a side note, it is a crazy feeling when you see so much potential in a relationship, but the other person is not ready to see that same thing and you live on in mediocrity waiting for the day they see what you see. 

Super

Gisele Bundchen and Christy Turlington two of the greatest supermodels of all time. 

Forget Janice Dickenson. 

Out of the way Naomi Campbell. 

Goodbye Cindy Crawford. 

Sayanora Linda Evagalista. 

Au Revoir Kate Moss

Although all good, these two "supers" exude a class, sophistication and grace to be admired. 

But wait, I still love you lesser-knowns Coco and Agyness. I hope you never become supermodels, your are way better at just being models. I love you for that alone. 

Crazy-town!

I am living in city where all our nations decisions are made, but oh wait...the politicians are not at work right now! The public transit workers are on strike and no one can get anywhere! And to top it all off, it snowed over a foot last night alone and the streets which already have way more cars than they can handle due to lack of busses, are piled up to my head in snow on the sides. 

Chaos. 

Disorder.

Havoc. 

Yet it all excites me somehow.

Thinking thinking ....

I cannot think of a single situation in my life where I would prefer quantity over quality. 

Food.

Clothes.

Friends.

Relationships.

Time. 

Events.

Art. 

Yep. Everything.

Huh?

So is it ---------- in general you don't like? Or just when it involves me? 

No, it is not because I am a Prude.

So many times people ask me why I don't drink, smoke or do drugs--so should I only post my first 1000 answers or what? 

1. The idea that one must be under the influence of something in order to have fun, to relax, to be sociable, or whatever ... is ridiculous. I refuse to live my life in this way. I admit it takes confidence to act how you act drunk/high etc. without being drunk/high etc., but it is not impossible. 

2. My health is too important to me. Alcohol and smoke damages almost every aspect of your body. Slowly dying has no appeal to me. Most people do not think far enough into the future to realize how they treat their only body today, greatly affects their well-being down the road from now. I want to be able to live with vitality until I die. 

3. Everyone has the desire at a young age to be rebellious to some degree. I think this is normal. But why would I choose the most cliche and over-played method of carrying this out? There are so many more interesting things I can do to please my rebellious urges. Normalcy and averageness bore me to death.

4. Time and time again, feelings are hurt and friendships are ruined because someone did, said or thought something while in a state of drunkenness or while high, that they would never has done, said or thought with a clear mind. It happens all the time and usually you have idea what you have just done. It has been done to me and I knowing how much it hurts, I would hate to do that to someone else. 

5. Drugs and alcohol ruin families and friendships when gone unchecked. They have the ability to consume you, when you think you control how much you consume them.  It may be rare, but it happens to those who least suspect it. Don't believe me? Ask my uncle...oh wait he's dead. Darn alcoholism, gets you every time. 

6. Money, when you spend it that slowly you don't even realize how much it is, but the average smoker spends $750-$1000 a year on cigarettes. (Alcohol and weed are on top of that).  It is surprisingly true. Traveling, education and helping out others is how I would use that money. 

7. As much as I love acting, I would never want to become someone else. Whether you admit it or not that is the point of consuming these things. Some substances to more degrees than others, but all for the same reason. Whether to become in a state of ecstasy and see smells or hear colours, or whether just to calm your nerves, I prefer to be true to who I am all the time. I am living my life to be honest with myself and others 100% of the time. 

8. I like to have class. Seeing someone completely out of their mind, stumbling about and puking up dinner is revolting. 

So there you go, you all know why now. This is who I am, I know it is not normal but why would I want to be normal? I don't judge you for your choices at all. But these are mine, thanks for listening. 

Questioning when.

When do you decide that there is nothing you can do and you should just give-up and when you know that in your heart this is what you really want and you should just keep trying until you eventually succeed? 

When do you do something because you know it is important to someone who is important to you and when do say "no" and refuse no matter what? 

When does how your acting become more than just friends and when does how your acting become not even friends?   

When do you stop what you are doing because it is annoying to the other, and when do you continue on, knowing that you are only doing because you care about them?            

When do you try to do all you can to be who you want to be and when do you settle for who you know you actually are?

When do you avoid becoming a stereotype and when do you realize it is okay to be that if thats just who you are?

When do you stop asking questions and just allow things to pan out and when do refuse to settle for mere existence and live with purpose?                                                                                                                                                         

Which is which.

Just when I think all hope is lost, I realize I was just over-reacting. Things are good, and I just have to keep reminding myself that they are.
I know things will not always be great, but they will always be good.
I have the best person looking out for me, so I know this is true.
They are good now, they were always good, I just needed to let myself see that they were good.

Great. Good. Good. Good. Great.

(Inside every great sandwich is a bunch of good?)